I do not know what the first audible word out of a child’s mouth is likely to be. But I have watched parents attempt to coax, even bribe, their toddler into saying something that resembles “Mama” or “Dada.” And, as in the game of horseshoes, close is usually good enough. “See, she said it,” Mama exclaims to Dada….even though Dada isn’t sure he heard it (and Grandpa is absolutely certain he didn’t hear it). But all of us know that what we want to hear goes a long way towards determining what we actually do hear. Which is why it is not uncommon for people to thank me profusely (at the door of the church) for having said so clearly something that I never said at all.
In thinking about the early speech of children, Kris and I tried to remember Julie’s first word. But all that comes to mind is “ba”….weeks and weeks of “ba.” But since “ba” was usually delivered with one or more hands outstretched, I think it meant “I want it,” or “Let me have it.” And when the desired object was already within reach, it was clear to me that “ba” meant “more.”
Just the other day, I overheard one of you say: “The good news is that my little girl has a new word which she speaks loudly and often. The bad news is that the word is ‘No’.” Later on, that word will come in handy….if used, that is. We tell our teens “Just say no,” fearful that they won’t. By which we mean “no” to cigarettes….“no” to beer….“no” to boys (or to girls who, I am told, now make as many advances as boys, test the limits as often as boys, and push the edge of the sexual envelope as far as boys). And we especially hope they will say “no” to drugs. We applaud the teen who is able to say to the tempter: “Just what is it about the word ‘no’ you don’t understand?”
Clearly, “no” is an early word….a good word….a self-defining, limit-setting, morality-maintaining word….with much to commend it. But I would suggest that life is enriched and ultimately better served by the “yes” word. Because while “no” is off-putting, “yes” is in-viting. “No” separates. “Yes” embraces. In his classic little book on negotiation entitled Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreements Without Giving In, Roger Fisher writes: “Every day families, neighbors, couples, employees, bosses, businesses, consumers, salesmen, lawyers and nations face the same dilemma….how to get to ‘yes’ without going to war.”
I have said it so often that I now hear many of you quoting it back to me, that one of my cardinal rules of church administration is that (at every level of governance) we should strive to be a permission-giving rather than a permission-denying organization. Which, unfortunately, is not part of the DNA of most church bodies.
Picture the scene. A relative newcomer to a church (which could be a new member, but which could also be a new pastor) comes up with a wonderful idea for ministry….or what he or she thinks would be a wonderful idea for ministry. Only to be told: “Before you go off half-cocked, you’d better test that out with the committee….the council….the board….the trustees.” Who, in their collective wisdom, listen to it….ponder it….table it….come back to it….pro it and con it….then kick it around and around and around and around until most of the passion leaks out of it….never completely condemning it….but saying in response to it:
We’ve already tried it.
Where would we find the money for it?
Where would we find the people for it?
Where would we find the room for it?
Has anybody asked the lawyers what our liabilities might be, were we to attempt it?
And, all things considered, wouldn’t next year be a better time for it?
To which I have consistently countered: “The primary function of governance is to encourage, underwrite, publicize, and then get out of the way so that stuff can happen. If it is a good idea, the people will be there. And if God is in the idea, the money will be there.”
Last Wednesday night at the Trustees meeting, a letter was shared, written by Jeff Nelson. Jeff was proposing that there be not one, but two senior high mission trips next spring. Different parts of the country (Mexico and Memphis). Different sized groups. Different objectives. But both trips were well thought out and researched. At issue was what role, if any, the Trustees would play in funding these ventures, given that among the smaller endowments the Trustees control is one committed to the support of youth ministry.
Given prior experience, the Trustees had a formula for funding one trip. But not for two. So I sat there in amazement and watched them do a little creative financing that would allow them to double the amount, rather than simply splitting the amount. Which wasn’t hard, especially after one of them said: “After all, isn’t our challenge to find ways to grant rather than withhold permission?” After which he then said: “And having just received my Steeple Notes, didn’t I read where the title of our pastor’s sermon for this Sunday is ‘Yes’?” Which was when I thought to myself, how many of my colleagues spend their entire ministries without ever, even once, experiencing the grace of God at a meeting of the Board of Trustees?
But the word “yes” defines persons every bit as much as it defines institutions. Let me illustrate with a story I have told to countless new member classes, but never (to my knowledge) from this pulpit. Several years ago, a fellow asked a question at a new member orientation that I couldn’t answer….or at least, that I didn’t answer very well. Said he:
Bill, I like your church. (Not that it was, or is, my church, but you’d be surprised how many people refer to it that way. Note to clergy who think that people can be trained to think differently about whose church it is: they can’t, so you might as well give it up.)
I like your church (he said). But I’ve picked up on something in the months I’ve been coming here. When I look around at all the things your church has to offer, it seems as if I can do any of them….even all of them….whether I’m a member or not. So given that I am more the loner-type than the member-type, why should I join?
And he was right, of course. There wasn’t much he couldn’t do as a non-member that would suddenly be open to him if he became a member. As a non-member, he could worship in the sanctuary….sing in the choir….attend any class….teach any class….serve on any committee…. attend any function….counsel the youth….join a baseball team….or go on a mission trip. In addition, he could have his baby baptized here, his daughter married here, his Uncle Louie buried here, and no one would ever deny him the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper here. Moreover, we would gladly (and without reservation) take his money here.
As a non-member, among the few things denied him would be the opportunity to vote on a capital project, serve on the Board of Trustees, or become president of the United Methodist Women. But in all my years of teaching new member classes, I have yet to meet anyone whose primary question was: “How can I become president of the United Methodist Women?” In terms of privileges granted versus privileges denied, there is little or no advantage in becoming a member of any United Methodist church….at least not as the world defines the word “advantage.”
Which was when I remembered Peter’s question of Jesus, again concerning advantages: “Lord, if we stay, what’s in it for us?” But I didn’t tell this guy about the cross (which was what was “in it” for Jesus) or the cruel deaths (that were “in it” for several followers of Jesus). In truth, I don’t remember what I said to the guy. But I know what I’ve said to others since. I’ve told them various versions of the following story. Indulge me.
The date is July 2, 1966. It’s about 3:05 in the afternoon. I am standing at the intersection of two carpeted aisles. There are three in tuxedos behind me…..three in tea-length formals across from me….and two in black robes perched one step above me. Rising to their feet at the swelling of the organ, it feels like there are five thousand to the left of me and five thousand to the right of me. And there, walking toward me, down the center aisle of First Methodist Church of Dearborn, was the lovely Kristine Larson of Novi. And as she got closer and closer…..and my collar got tighter and tighter….and my stomach, queasier and queasier….and my eyes, moister and moister….I thought to myself: “This isn’t just hanging around with Tina Larson anymore.”
Which realization was followed by my “Yes” to her and her “Yes” to me, cemented in phrases about better/worse, richer/poorer and sickness/health. So was I ready for that? Probably. But did I evenly remotely grasp the implications of that? Probably not. Though it occurred to me some years later that that “yes”….spoken that day….to that woman….has made all the difference in my life. But more than that, it has been all the “yeses,” spoken on all the other days, that have made all the difference in my life. I am talking about yeses to a pair of schools….a pair of children….a quartet of churches….a bevy of bishops….and one very inquisitive board of ministerial inquiry. But I could just as well be talking about yeses to friends and family, tasks and travels. I owe my life to a slew of yeses.
The funny thing is, I have long since forgotten the “nos”….jobs I’ve turned down….females I’ve turned down…..invitations I declined…..schools I rejected….roads I traveled not. Speculation concerning what might have been is just that….speculation. But the “yeses” have meant commitments. And it is the commitments that have made all the difference. Void of the commitments, my life would be an empty shell of what it is today.
All of which is capstoned by my commitment to Jesus Christ. Some years ago, Dag Hammarskjold, the Secretary-General of the United Nations and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1961 (who lost his life on a peacekeeping mission in a plane crash over the Congo), wrote:
I don’t know who, or what, put the question.
I don’t know when it was put.
I don’t even remember answering.
But at some moment, I did answer “Yes”
to someone/something.
And from that hour, I was certain that existence was meaningful,
and that life….my life, lived in self-surrender….had a goal.
From a very early time in my life, I knew a question had been put. And while I can’t pinpoint one specific moment that might be called “The Ask”….or another specific moment that might be called “The Answer”….I knew that Jesus Christ was at the heart of both “The Ask” and “The Answer”….and that anything other than a “yes” would have relegated me to a life that was less.
But none of those were the ultimate “yes.” Those were simply “yeses” said by me. Which, while important, paled before the “yes” that was said to me.
In our text, Paul is in trouble. Again. Having rearranged his travel plans so as to put off (for a time) his promise to return to Corinth, his detractors (of whom there were many) said: “First he says yes. Then he says no. What should we believe? Is it yes or is it no? And if there is nothing about his promises we can take to the bank, how can we trust the things he has told us about the promises of God? Maybe God is as fickle as Paul is.”
To which Paul does three things. First, he defends his integrity (my “yes” is good). Second, he defends his theology (God’s “yes” is good). Finally, he puts the entire matter into a most vivid phrase: “Jesus is the ‘yes’ to every promise of God.”
So, assuming you believe that, let me ask you what you think. Will God turn back….turn away….turn his heart….or turn tail and run? Will God sour on us….quit on us….walk away from us….or wash his hands and say “To hell with us”? Will God let us stew in our juice….slosh in our slime….sink in our sin….or stink in our playpen? Will God hand us over to our multiple enemies without a fight….turning off (once and for all) the spigot from “whence the healing stream doth flow?”
“No,” says Paul to the Romans. We shall be more than conquerors….think about that, “more” than conquerors….through him who loved us. Jesus, being the “yes” to every promise of God. Then, as Paul goes on to say in verse 22: “The Holy Spirit in our hearts constitutes the earnest money (Greek word arrabon) or the first installment paid on that guarantee.”
Don’t you see what that means? The “yes” has already been spoken. If only the church could hear that. If only those churches that love the sound of the word “no” could believe that. Says the world to the church: “Your lips tell me no, no….but there’s yes, yes in your eyes.” Thankfully, in some corners of Christendom, the ayes still have it.
Note: This sermon was preached on Ingathering Sunday, when congregants bring both their offerings for the present year and their pledges of support for the coming year.
As to Roger Fisher’s book, Getting to Yes, I can’t say that I have read it. But I have seen it quoted in other places, most recently by Peter Gomes of Harvard. Dag Hammarskjold’s quote comes from his highly-acclaimed memoir, Markings.
