Meeting the Lord in the Dining Room: 3. The Protocol

First United Methodist Church, Birmingham, Michigan

March 18, 2001

Scripture: Luke 14:1, 7-11

A colleague of mine recently received a letter from one of his parishioners. It read as follows:

            My dear pastor, I notice that you seem to set a great deal of importance on your sermons and spend no small amount of time preparing them. I have been attending services for the past 30 years and, during that time, I have listened to no less than 3000 sermons. But I hate to inform you that I cannot remember a single one. I wonder if your time might be better spent on something else.

After waiting a couple of days to heal his pride and swallow his defensiveness, my friend wrote back, saying:

            My dear parishioner, I have been married for 30 years. During that time, I have eaten 32,580 meals….mostly of my wife’s cooking. Alas, I have discovered that I cannot remember the menu of a single meal. Yet, judging by outward appearances, I have been nourished by every one of them. In fact, I have the distinct impression that without them, I would have starved to death years ago.

That story was reported to me in response to my last two sermons on the subject of food. In fact, everywhere I go, I find people responding to these sermons on food. Mark Demorest sent me a wonderful article (following last week’s sermon) about the state of gluttony in the good old USA. It appeared in Money Magazine (if you can believe that) and it was written by a travel writer reporting on restaurants where you can put your appetite to the test. As the result of his research, he suggests that while gluttony may still be one of the seven deadly sins, it’s loads of fun. What’s more, gluttony may cancel out a few of the other sins, given that after tackling a 72-ounce steak, lust will be the furthest thing from your mind.

Which he did….try to consume a 72-ounce steak, I mean. It happened at the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, where four or five customers a week try to finish that much beef in one sitting. The challenge is to consume 72-ounces of sirloin (as well as a salad, baked potato, shrimp cocktail and a dinner roll) in 60 minutes running time. Unfortunately, they do not allow you to eat at a regular table. Instead, they move you to a little stage near the center of the dining room so that everyone can watch you pig out. Which led the author to observe: “Eating on display may seem a bit weird at first….but hey, no guts, no glory.” Alas, he had the guts, but missed out on the glory. Meaning that he wasn’t successful. But then, only one in five is. As for me, I think I’ll pass. But should you give it a try to next time you are in Amarillo, make sure somebody takes pictures.

There used to be an ice cream parlor over on Telegraph Road which made a big deal out of big orders. As I remember it, they had a concoction called the Pig’s Trough. And every time one person ordered it, six waiters delivered it. What’s more, they rang bells, banged drums and made a whole lot of noise. Which meant that every eye in the place turned in your direction. They might as well have put you on a stage. Or on television, for that matter.

What is this thing about having people watch you eat? Well, it takes many forms. Such as this little, overlooked line in Luke’s 14th chapter. Let me read it to you again.

            “One Sabbath….when Jesus went to dine at the house of a ruler who belonged to the Pharisees….they were watching him.”  (Luke 14:1)

Have you ever been watched while you eat? Years ago, my mother told me that people would notice the way I ate and draw conclusions about me….and about the people who raised me. To some extent, she was right.

Much is revealed by the way we eat. I know a man whose corporate responsibility includes selecting candidates, from among those newly hired, for his company’s executive training program. He is the one who has to figure out which of the fast-trackers can cut the mustard. So he holds interviews, gives tests, reads letters of recommendation, and reviews transcripts….all the traditional things. And then he takes each candidate out to dinner and observes his or her behavior. “Watch how a person eats,” he claims, “and that will tell you all you need to know about their character….given that manners are what you learn (and what you do) not for yourself, but out of regard for other people.”

Which reminds me of Will Willimon’s story about being interviewed for a job at Yale. The first evening they took him to Mory’s (as in “from the tables down at Mory’s, to the place where Louie dwells”). There he was, face to face with five Yale professors. And his host said that he must have….in fact, his host ordered for him….the French onion soup. Then everybody sat back with perverse delight as Willimon fielded question after question, while trying to plunge his spoon through the thick, cheesy crust, without sloshing liquid over the side in the process. And then there was the matter of the cheese, which never quite broke free from the glob and ended up stringing itself from chin to spoon until severed by the fingers. Which is why I never eat the Swiss onion soup at Peabody’s when I am dining in polite company. I love the Swiss onion soup at Peabody’s. It simply doesn’t get any better. But every time I eat it, I embarrass myself by wearing it. Which isn’t pretty. No, not pretty at all.

But on this occasion….while they were watching Jesus….Jesus was watching them. At issue was not the “how” of their eating, but the “where” of their seating. To be specific, Jesus ended up addressing the seat selection process and the way that certain people plunked themselves down at the head table (or as close as they could get to it). Leading Jesus to say: “Don’t do that. It could get embarrassing, you know. I mean, you could be sitting in one of the front seats and your host could approach you and ask if you would mind ‘movin’ on back.’ I mean, it could get ugly.”

When my friends and I were teenagers, we used to go to the ballpark and sit in the cheap seats. Most of the time, that meant “General Admission” in left field. From our distant perch, we would gaze upon those wonderful field-level seats between home plate and third base, adjacent to the Tiger dugout. Most of those seats were in the hands of people with season tickets. “Fat cats,” we called them. And even though the seats were sold, they were not always occupied. Meaning that there were days when the ticket holders didn’t show up. Once the game started, we would monitor their availability. If, by the end of the first inning, they were still empty, we would quietly make our way toward them. Sometimes we would get lucky and slip past the gaze of an usher. Whereupon we could enjoy the next several innings from the best seats in the house.

But, more often than not, the occupants would merely be late in arriving. Along about the third inning, the usher would come and ask to see our tickets. Which, when produced, would indicate that we were not where we belonged. So we would slink back to left field, not entirely unrepentant. After all, why should such wonderful seats go begging? Besides, we didn’t know anybody who hadn’t, at one time or another, tried the same thing. I will report, however, that I gave up the practice when I began to take a date to the ballpark.

In anticipation of such an embarrassment, Jesus said: “Instead take the lowest seat when you enter, the one with the clear view of the dishwasher (every time they open the kitchen door). For you never know. You could get lucky. And the host could come over to your table and say: ‘Hey friend, how about movin’ on up?’”

I know a fellow who is employed by a great university. And he’s hung around the place so long that he knows all the signs that tell whether you are on the “inside” of university politics or on the “outside” of university politics. A big indicator is your table assignment at major university dinners. The head table is best. Tables 1-3, next best. Any table, 10 or under, you’re pretty much okay. But if you wind up at table 20, you’d better update your resume.

As some of you know, Kris and I enjoyed the recent privilege of breakfast with President Bush, along with a couple thousand of his nearest and dearest. The occasion was the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, which has been going on since 1949. It was a wonderful occasion…. one that I talk about everywhere I go. But given the number of people squeezed into the ballroom at the Washington Hilton, I wondered if I’d need a telescope to see the speakers’ platform. To our great fortune, we were actually pretty close to the front. We sat with Murray Jones (talk about “good company”), a couple of other Americans, the recently-ousted monarch of a small African nation, and the Honorable John Taylor from the British House of Lords. I resisted any temptation to make a stupid joke about Lord and Taylor. But it felt good to be near the front.

Given my role in banquet occasions, I often sit at the head table. What’s more, I appreciate….and, to some degree, enjoy….the status of high placement. And yet I hear the words of Jesus when he says: “Hey friend, don’t presume anything. Start down low. Consider yourself lucky to be there at all. Let your host call the shots.”

What’s involved here? More than meets the eye….I’ll tell you that. And I’ll tell you how I know that. There’s a little clue in Luke’s narrative that gives it away. For Luke tells us that the “banquet” in this story is a “marriage feast.” And whenever you see the phrase “marriage feast,” you know that it is meant as a symbol for the Kingdom.

And this is one of those stories. Its purpose is to give us a glimpse of “end time.” It says: “Don’t count on what you count on now, counting then. All this jockeying for position. All this wanting to be in the right seat. All this wanting to be number one. None of that is going to count.” The only thing that is going to count in the Kingdom is humility. Which means that at that banquet….at that time….the appropriate place to gather is at the foot of the table.

And concerning that, listen to what Mark Trotter says next:

Nobody knows what is going to happen at the banquet. I get impatient with people who think they know what is going to happen. They always seem to know who is going to heaven and who is not, as if they were privy to the guest list….as if they knew beforehand who had been invited….as if they had access to the seating chart….and as if they knew who was going to be at the head table right next to Jesus. I notice that the people they say are going to be in heaven tend to be the people who agree with them. And the people who aren’t going to be there are the people who do not agree with them. These people pass themselves off as Bible-believing Christians. But one wonders if they have even read the Bible. Because if you read the Bible, it’s as clear as “clear” could be. Nobody knows! The only certainty is that there are going to be surprises. As the old spiritual suggests: “Everybody talkin’ about heaven, ain’t goin’ there”….at least, right off.

Except there is one clue. The humble are probably going to make the first cut with the least trouble. Which leads to a pair of concluding thoughts.

The first concerns a test for humility. I picked it off the Internet the other day. It’s amazing what you can find there. Consider this:

During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one. “What is the first name of the women who cleans the school?”

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her fifties. But how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the answer blank. Then I heard another student ask if the last question would count toward our grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. Each deserves your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.”

I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I’ve also learned that her name is Dorothy.

My second concluding observation concerns the whereabouts of Jesus at the banquet. I mean, you might want his autograph. Or you might want to have your picture taken standing next to him. So you’ll want to know where he’s sitting, won’t you? Of course you will. So I’ll locate him for you. He’s at table 20.

* * * * *

Oh, by the way, their names are Tony, Chito, Gary, Dastin and Kate. Who are they? Why, they’re the people who clean the building. Just so you’ll know.

Note: I am indebted to Dick Cheatham, Mark Demorest, Will Willimon and Mark Trotter for various and sundry contributions to this sermon.

Meeting the Lord in the Dining Room 2. The Menu 3/11/2001

First United Methodist Church, Birmingham, Michigan

March 11, 2001

Scriptures: I Corinthians 8:1-9; Luke 10:1-9

And God said: “Let us make man in our own image….after our likeness….and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the fowl of the air, the cattle and every creeping thing upon the earth.” So God made man in God’s own image….male and female, God created them. And God looked upon the man and woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach….green and yellow vegetables of every kind….so the man and the woman would live long and healthy lives.

And the Tempter said: “I know how I can get back in this game.” Whereupon he created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth an “Eighth Day of Creation Special”…..a 99 cent double cheeseburger. Which was when the Tempter whispered to the man: “You want fries with that?” And the man said: “Supersize them.” And the man gained five pounds.

And God created the always-healthful yogurt, so the woman might keep the figure that the man had found so fair. But the Tempter brought forth chocolate, causing the woman to gain five pounds, and leading God to say: “Won’t you try my crispy garden salad?” And the Tempter countered with Ben and Jerry’s. And the woman gained ten pounds.

And God said: “Behold, I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables, not to mention olive oil in which to cook them.” Which was when the Tempter appeared with a chicken fried steak, so big it hung over the edges of the platter. And the man gained ten pounds while his cholesterol climbed through the roof.

So God brought forth running shoes and commanded the man to lose those extra pounds. But the Tempter answered with cable TV and remote control, thus ensuring the man would no longer have to rouse from recline to switch from ESPN and ESPN2. But after the man gained another 20 pounds, God brought forth the potato….a tuber low in fat and brimming with nutrition. But the Tempter snatched it away, peeled its healthy skin, sliced it into chips, threw them in the fryer, placed them on a plate, and set in their midst a luscious bowl of sour cream (from heaven only knows where).

And with cream on his chin and chips on his chest, the man went into full cardiac arrest (while still holding fast to the remote). So God created the triple bypass. And the Tempter created an HMO.

Were I to preach a sermon on gluttony (still one of the seven deadly sins), that story would speak for itself. To be sure, the earliest Christians concerned themselves with how much people ate. And with good reason. For there existed in biblical times….and in other times, as well…. festivals of gorging, during which pagans ate and drank for days and days. You know, of course, how such was possible. The host, in addition to keeping the table groaning and the flagon flowing, provided each dinner guest with a delicate little feather. And if you need further explanation as to what the feather was for, see me after the service. Or better yet, ask the first pagan you encounter at the brunch table when your hour in church is done.

For the Christian, gluttony was considered wrong….not because you could kill yourself with a knife and fork (as many did, and continue so to do), but because gluttony violated the Christian dictum about sharing with the hungry. You will remember the Gentile Christians who were in the habit of arriving early for the common meal. Their purpose was so that they could pork down all the food and guzzle down all the wine, leading Paul to object, strenuously. Paul’s objection had nothing to do with the fact that they were making spectacles of themselves, but that they were cleaning the table before later arriving Christians (who were probably the newer and, therefore, least-likely-to-be-in-the-know Christians) could get their fill, or even their fair share.

Among the things I needed to learn in order to be an effective minister (but that nobody bothered to teach me in seminary) concerned the proper way to organize a potluck. If you expect more than 70 people, you need to spread the food over more than one table and create multiple serving lines. Failure to do this means that the first people through the line will require a forklift to carry their plate back to the table, while the last people will be lucky to choose from among three half-empty bowls of cole slaw.

Point being: The amount of food you eat should be governed by the needs and claims of the neighbor, rather than by the comfort or discomfort of the stomach.

When last I stood before you, we were talking about food (you and I)….about dining room tables (you and I)….and about how the Lord might either be met or missed there (you and I). Last time I asked: “Who is at the table?” This time I would invite you a little closer, the better to see: “What is on the table.” As a footnote, I recently stumbled on the wry observation by the late Charles Schultz, to the effect that no one would have been invited to dinner as often as Jesus, unless he was interesting and had a highly-developed sense of humor. Which is worth pondering, given the frequency with which Jesus is the answer to the New Testament’s quintessential question: “Guess who’s coming to dinner?”

On Friday, I warmed up for the writing of this sermon by eating low-ticket Middle Eastern fare at lunch (pita, hummus and a falafel sandwich), followed by high-ticket Jewish fare….Bar Mitzvah fare….at supper (everything from challa to honey-laden pastries). Which was not strange to me. I have been to Israel. I know the diet. I can do the diet. If you want to know more about the diet, I can talk about what Jesus ate….what Jews eat….what Torah requires….what kosher means…..that sort of thing. Which might make a good luncheon speech. But not today. Instead, I want to look at two biblical stories, make one biblical point, and then send you off in search of sustenance.

The first “slice of Bible” I want to place on your plate comes from the lips of Jesus. We find it in one of his many “hit the road” speeches delivered to his closest followers. I am using “hit the road” here, not in the negative sense of “get lost,” but in the positive sense of “go to work.” In short, Jesus occasionally gives marching orders. In some of them, he actually becomes quite specific (as in what to pack, what not to pack, where to go, who to go with, what to say upon arriving, and how long to stay before leaving). That’s a lot of specificity. This “hit the road” speech in Luke 10 is not untypical, although it is given to “the seventy”…..and we really don’t know who “the seventy” are. But listen:

            After this, the Lord appointed 70 others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to come. And he said to them: “The harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few; pray, therefore, the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers. Behold, I send you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. Carry no purse, no bag, no sandals. Salute no one on the road. Whatever house you enter, first say: ‘Peace be to this house!’ If a son of peace is there, your peace shall rest upon him. If not, it shall return to you. And remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide, for the laborer deserves his wages. Do not go from house to house. Whenever you enter a town and they receive you, eat what is set before you. Heal the sick who are there and say to them: ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’”

It goes on, but I stop here so you will not lose what I lost for over 50 years (until John Rick helped me find it last week). I’m talking about Jesus’ twice-repeated instruction:

1.      “Remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide.”

2.      “Whenever you enter a town and its people welcome you, eat what is set before you.”

There is ample evidence that Luke preserved these early sayings attributed to Jesus. And there is ample evidence that Matthew (and perhaps others) edited them out. Moreover, we know that the Gospel of Thomas (which you do not have readily available) summarizes them most succinctly:

When you go into any land and walk about in the districts, if they receive you, eat what is set before you and heal the sick among them. (14:2)

This is incredible! For it means that Jesus, as a devout and practicing Jew, told ambassadors going forth in his name that they could set aside Jewish dietary restrictions….of which there were many….to eat the food of the house. Clean or unclean….no matter. Kosher or non-kosher….no matter. Meat with all the blood drained from it versus meat without the blood drained from it….no matter. Meat from beasts which chew the cud and divide the hoof like beef cattle versus meat from beasts that neither chew the cud nor divide the hoof like pigs….no matter. What matters are relationships. People bond over food. Therefore, says Jesus, don’t let matters of menu keep you from making friends and building bridges in my name.

To refuse someone’s food in the name of appetite (“Yuck, I don’t like it”) or diet (“Sorry, my doctor forbids it”) is off-putting enough. But to refuse someone’s food in the name of religion is to miss an opportunity to become one with each other and (perhaps) to become one in Christ. Having traveled in a variety of cultures, I know that it is so. And when my mother warned me to eat whatever was set before me (prior to going to a stranger’s house for dinner), she didn’t know how biblical she was.

The second “Bible slice” I would pile on your plate comes from Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth. This time, he was addressing a “menu dispute” in the Corinthian Christian community. At issue was meat dedicated in pagan temples, or meat sacrificed to pagan gods and then sold or served in the marketplace. Let me explain. It was not uncommon for a steer or a lamb (or some other animal) to be taken to a pagan temple as a sacrificial offering to a god or goddess. But the whole animal was never burned on the altar. Only a small part was burned….a token, really….sometimes just a few hairs pulled from the animal’s carcass.

What happened to the rest? Well, I’ll tell you what happened to the rest. The first gleanings went to the priests of the temple. They took home the ribs….maybe even a whole flank. I like that idea. Then the donor of the sacrificial animal took home the other parts, whereupon he cooked them up, gave a banquet, and invited his friends and neighbors to partake….which might well include Christians. The question being: “Should Christians go?” And if they go: “Should they eat the meat?”

Sometimes, after the token sacrifice on the altar, there was so much meat left over that it was wholesaled out to the butcher shops. But it was seldom marked as such. So the question arose: “Should Christians buy meat from the shops, never knowing in whose temple it might have been….for what purpose….and for how long?”

This issue split the Corinthian church. Somebody brought meat to a potluck. And that started it. You could hear them buzzing in the various corners of Fellowship Hall:

            You gonna eat the meat?

            I ain’t gonna eat the meat!

            Ah….come on….there’s nothing wrong with the meat.

            Yes there is.

            No there isn’t.

            Let’s ask Paul.

So Paul said three things. First, Paul said that if fighting over the meat is going to divide the church, then maybe nobody should eat any meat. That was Paul’s angry response.

Second, Paul said:

            I don’t worship idols. I don’t bow down before statues. I don’t go into pagan temples. I know who my God is. What’s more, I know that my God is the only God there is. So all that other stuff about gods and goddesses is just so much unenlightened hocus pocus. Which means that since the meat is being offered to nothing that is anything (God-wise, I mean), it’s just meat. It goes into the temple as meat. It comes out of the temple as meat. Why not cook it and eat it?

That was Paul’s theological response.

But then Paul offered a third word.

            If there are people you know whose faith will somehow be injured by what they see you do (maybe because they are brand new in the faith and haven’t got this idol business sorted out in their head) well….for their sakes….why not skip the meat and head for the macaroni?

That was Paul’s pastoral response.

Don’t you see it? Of course you see it. Once again, menu issues become secondary to relationship issues. The cardiologists are probably going to kill me for saying this, but you can eat any darned thing you want to, provided you consider the sensitivities of the people joining you or observing you.

And if the cardiologists don’t get me, Miss Manners will, when I say that you can refuse anything that is set before you, provided you consider the sensitivities of the people joining you or observing you. Medically speaking, we monitor our appetites for reasons of health. Religiously speaking, we monitor our appetites for reasons of relationship. It is the only way I can make sense of the charge….leveled by the Pharisees….that Jesus ate with gluttons and wine bibbers. To which Jesus seemed to respond: “Of course.” Or “Why not?” Relationships being paramount, Jesus concerned himself far more with who was at the table than with what was on the table.

As a biblically-grounded Christian, I can partake of anything, provided (there’s that word for a third time) that, in so doing, I draw nearer to you, and that together we draw nearer to Christ. Read the New Testament carefully and you will see little, if any, concern over the role of food in filling us up. But you will see great concern…..repeated concern….over the role of food in drawing us close.

Isn’t it ironic that in his “hit the road” speech, Jesus told his followers to eat anything that is there for the eating and heal any who are there for the healing. Over the years of my ministry, I have discovered that more healing is done at the table than any other place I know.

During one of our many conversations last weekend, John Claypool told some of us (in wrenchingly personal testimony) about the Saturday morning the lights went out in the eyes of his ten-year-old daughter, Laura Lue, following her 18-month battle with leukemia. For weeks, he said, it was hard enough to get up and get dressed, let alone go anywhere, do anything, or be with anybody.

But slowly, we pulled it together, even to the point of finally deciding to go out for a little supper (my wife, myself and our son) at a little place the four of us once liked to go. “But when I sat down and looked at that empty chair, I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on. In fact, I wasn’t even certain I could stay.”

But then I realized that while I was sitting at a table with one missing, I was also sitting at a table with three present. So I stayed. And we ordered. And as we ate, we talked about the ordinary stuff of our lives….yesterday….today….tomorrow. And somehow, during the course of that meal, I turned a corner. For while I knew I was never (ever) going to be the same, I knew I was going to be all right.

It is a time-honored tradition in the church to punctuate the season of Lent by foods denied and meals not eaten. For in so doing, it is suggested, we will draw closer to Christ. And if that works for you, by all means, stay with it.

But if it doesn’t, why not punctuate Lent with a different discipline? Why not try inviting someone to dinner (family, friend, stranger, even enemy)? I’m talking a really good dinner. Then see if, perchance, you don’t accomplish the same purpose.

Note: I am indebted to Murray Jones for the Internet-circulated story with which the sermon begins. I am indebted to Fred Craddock for his understanding of “gluttony,” in a sermon entitled “Trouble at the Table.” And I am deeply indebted to John Rick for directing me to a wonderful chapter, “Magic and Meal,” in John Dominic Crossan’s

Meeting the Lord in the Dining Room: 1. The Guest List

First United Methodist Church, Birmingham, Michigan

February 18, 2001

Scripture: Luke 14:12-24

Over the years, some of the best times I ever had in church started in the kitchen. Then again, some of the worst times I ever had in church also started in the kitchen. People can become quite impassioned about church kitchens….what’s made there….who works there….who’s in control there (that’s a big issue)….who cleans up there. Colin Morris used to say that the devil always enters the church through the choir. Maybe so. But were someone to take Colin out back (to the place where they keep the steam table and the dishwasher), I’ll bet he’d change his tune.

And it’s always been that way. Turn the pages of the Bible (especially the New Testament) and you’ll find that someone always seems to be cooking, eating, or squabbling about cooking and eating. So much so that one can correctly identify the dining room as a primary location for playing out life’s daily dramas of sin and grace. Which we know to be true in our lives as well.

There isn’t a person in this room who can’t remember the ecstasy of a good family meal….and the agony of a bad one. People decry the fact that families seldom sit down to break bread with each other. But sometimes it’s easier not to….and terribly painful when you have to. A minister friend of mine had an adolescent daughter who refused to join the rest of the family at the table for a period of two years. Two whole years. And there were people who said: “Well, you just need to make her.” But if you have ever eaten at a table with somebody who doesn’t want to be there….or has come under some kind of duress….you don’t need a theologian to describe “hell” for you. You’ve experienced it.

In my long-ago-remembered childhood, I recall some wonderful family meals where everybody conversed freely and lingered endlessly. And I recall some awful meals where, from beginning to end, nobody said a word. Not a single, solitary word. After ten minutes of that kind of silence, you can hear the sound a fork makes as it slices through a mound of mashed potatoes.

From the beginning, the Church of Jesus Christ has worried about what you eat….how much you eat….when and where you eat it….and who you eat it with. Biblically speaking, far more stories take place in the dining room than in the bedroom. But you’d never know it by listening to most preachers. Which is why, over my next few sermons, I am going to correct that imbalance. Except I am not going to start with menus or manners….feasting or fasting….or even quality or quantity (gluttony is still one of the seven deadly sins, isn’t it?). No, I am going to start with table mates, honing in on the question of who eats with whom….or who refuses to eat with whom.

Yes, let’s start there (with someone who won’t come to the table). Let’s talk about someone who won’t sit down to supper, even though he has every reason to be hungry after working all day…. working every day….working in the field….without prior complaint….because that’s what good, obedient sons of the father do. Work hard, I mean. They get their hands dirty. But they keep their mouths shut and their noses clean. That’s what good, obedient sons of the father do.

Which wasn’t the path his little brother took. But why do I need to tell you? You know the story, either because you’ve read it….or because you’ve lived it. Little brother takes off. Little brother screws up. Little brother slinks home, lower than a snake’s belly. And daddy throws him a party. In fact, he slaughters the fatted calf. We’re talking prime rib, here. But his older brother doesn’t have to be told what’s cooking. His older brother can smell what’s cooking. And it doesn’t smell quite right. Not because of bad beef….but because of bad blood (between the brothers, I mean). So when his daddy says to his very good, older boy: “Food’s ready….table’s set….wine’s poured….better get washed up….we’re counting on you to make a toast,” his older son says:

            I’m not coming. I’ll see the cook. Maybe I’ll get myself a bologna sandwich to take back to my room. But I’m not sitting down with my brother. I resent him. And I resent you for giving in to him. So go ahead and start without me. Finish without me, too.

Which I assume they did. I mean, you can’t force people to come, can you? Well, can you?

Jesus, it appears, will eat with anybody. One recalls that crook in Jericho, hiding in a tree. Jesus called him down by saying: “It’s lunchtime and I’m coming over.” And wasn’t that on the front page of the National Enquirer by two o’clock that afternoon? Zacchaeus was the crook’s name. Which we have for the record. What we do not have for the record are the names of those other “tax collectors and sinners” he ate with….including the not-so-veiled inference that there might have been a few hookers mingled amongst the sinners. Tax collectors and hookers. What do they have in common? They each sin with their figures, don’t you see. But Jesus ate with them. Or so his critics charged.

Which was not very smart. I mean, I don’t eat with such folks (at least knowingly). I’m no dummy. I understand what the words “guilt by association” mean. People see you in the wrong place, with the wrong people, and they begin to get the wrong idea. Before you know it, you’ve lost it. Public confidence, I mean. Why, it can suck the future right out of your ministry. Jesus should have been more careful.

Simon Peter found that out the hard way when he went to that home over on the coast near Caesarea where he preached to a bunch of people who weren’t Jewish. Which was not an issue. What was an issue was the fact that he stayed for supper after preaching. Which became a problem when he got back to Jerusalem and regrouped with other leaders of the church….who were (at that time) still very much enmeshed in synagogue life (Jewish life, if you will). They said to Peter: “Did you preach to those people?” And Peter admitted that he did. So then they said: “We also heard you stayed for supper.” To which Peter said: “Well, yes I did.” For which he got called on the carpet, royally. Chewed out, thoroughly. Not for preaching, but for eating.

Worse yet was the time Peter and Paul were together in Antioch. Peter was eating with some Gentile Christians that day, too. Suddenly, some Jewish Christians came in from Jerusalem, spotted Peter at a table full of Gentiles, and went over and whispered something in his ear. Peter listened. Then he got up and moved. Making Paul livid. So he let Peter have it, right there. Blistered him good. Both barrels. And while I don’t know everything Paul said, buried in his speech were these words: “If you have to have separate tables, it’s not church anymore.”

Of course, the problem with that is, once you open things up, you never know who you’re going to get. Why, pretty much anybody could come. You might get 4,000 one day….5,000 the next. And when you get crowds like that, how are you ever going to check credentials? I mean, you can’t. So Jesus didn’t. “Sit down,” he said. “Space yourselves out, so that the people bringing the fish course and the people bringing the bread course can circulate among you and pass between you. We’ll feed you. The only thing you need to be is hungry.”

Then Jesus told that famous story of a man who gave a great banquet. Invited many. Then he sent a message to the invitees saying: “Soup’s on.” You know what happened next. Everybody begged off at the last minute. “Can’t come,” they said. “Sorry,” they added. “Don’t take it personally,” they appealed. Good excuses, they offered. “New field….gotta inspect it. New livestock….gotta inspect them. New wife….gotta” (you get the picture).

So the banquet giver says to the servant: “Hit the trails. Beat the bushes. Turn over the rocks. Whoever crawls out, bring ‘em in. Don’t quit till I tell you.” And he hasn’t quit yet. How do I know that? Because I’m that servant, don’t you see. Although some days, I’m the guy crawling out from under the rock.

Assuming that this “banquet story” is another one of those “Jews versus Gentiles” disputes, we need to remember that the Jews were the A list and the Gentiles were the B list. People who know about such things tell me that most classy wedding receptions have an A list and a B list. The bride’s family starts off by inviting everybody on the A list. But since there’s a formula that says 25 percent of the people you invite won’t come, they start back-filling from the B list as notices of regret begin to appear. Which means that if your friend gets invited to a wedding reception four weeks before you do, you are probably on the B list. But since none of us are Jewish….or have ever been Jewish….we are all on the B list. Which means that we all take our place in the story as the Johnny-come-latelies.

As I’ve told you before, I could never work for one of those outfits which would require me to check tickets at the table. I could never ask anybody if they were a member, attender, tither, giver, or even a properly repentant sinner. I could never put a wrap on the bread or a lid on the cup. As concerns the sacrament, I’ll pray over it….I’ll offer it….from time to time, I’ll even try to explain it. But I won’t police it. All you need to be is hungry and thirsty enough to come get it. And I’ll be darned if I’ll stand in judgment of that.

But, hey, if you don’t like that, I’ll cut you a deal. I’ll exclude from the table all those whom Jesus excluded from the table. Except I can never quite figure out who those were. When I look at the last dinner party he hosted, I don’t come away with many clues. I mean, check out the guest list that night.

·         You’ve got Thomas at the table who, less than a few days later, growled: “I don’t believe in the resurrection.”

·         You’ve got Peter at the table who, less than a few hours later, said: “Jesus? Don’t know him. Haven’t met him. Never laid eyes on the guy in my life.”

·         You’ve got James and John (the “Thunder boys”) at the table who are already on record as having said: “We want to cozy up on either side of you, Jesus. We want to make sure that when you hit it big….and you will hit it big….we will hit it big with you. By the way, we got this idea from our mama, Mrs. Thunder.”

·         And you’ve got Judas who, when he left the table, said to the enemy: “Slip me a thirty and I’ll finger my meal ticket.”

So if at that table….on that night….you’ve got a hard-headed non-believer, a gutless wonder, a pair of mother-driven posers and a government snitch, you tell me who I should keep out.

* * * * *

I love Fred Craddock stories and I haven’t told you one in a long time. So here goes.

A few years back, Fred was invited to lead some kind of preaching mission in Winnipeg (Friday night….Saturday morning….Saturday evening….twice on Sunday….you know the drill). When he finished Friday night, he noticed that it was spitting snow. His host told him not to worry, given that it was only mid-October. “Good,” said Fred, “because all I brought from Atlanta was this little, thin jacket.”

Fred went to bed. But when he got up the next morning, he couldn’t open the door for all the white stuff that was piled against it. Snow driving. Wind howling. Temperature falling. Phone ringing. It was the host calling Fred’s motel room.

            I hate to tell you this, but we’re going to have to cancel this morning’s session. Can’t tell about the evening. But things look pretty bad. Nobody saw this coming. City’s not ready. Plows, not ready. Crews, not ready. Nothing’s ready. Worse yet, nothing’s open. In fact, I’m stuck in my driveway, meaning that I can’t come down to fetch you. So I don’t know what you are going to do about breakfast. But I do have an idea. If you can make it out of your room, walk down to the corner….turn right….go one block….turn right again….and you should be standing within shouting distance of the bus station. There’s a little café in there. And if any place is gonna be open, it’s gonna be open.

So Fred curses his luck, zips up his jacket, busts out his door, and goes in search of the little café. Two rights. Bus station. There it is. Wonder of wonders, it’s open. But it’s also crowded. It seems as if every stranded soul in the universe is crammed inside.

There is no place to sit. But some guy slides down the bench and makes room for Fred to squeeze in. Waiter comes over….big burly guy….non-shaven….wearing half the kitchen on his apron. “Whatcha want?” he snarls. “Can I see a menu?” Fred asks. “Don’t need no menu,” the waiter answers. “Didn’t get no deliveries this morning. All we got is soup.” “Well then,” says Fred, “soup it is. I like a little breakfast soup from time to time.”

So the soup comes in a rather tallish mug. Looks awful. Shade of gray. Color of a mouse. Fred half-wonders if that’s what it could be….cream of mouse. So he doesn’t eat it. But he does use the mug as a stove….cupping his fingers around it….warming them on it.

Which is when the door opens once more. Wind howls. Cold surges. “Shut the blankety-blank door,” someone shouts. Lady enters. Thin coat. No hat. Ice crystals in her hair and eyebrows. Maybe 40. Painfully skinny.

“Whatcha want?” shouts the guy with the greasy apron. “I’ll just have a glass of water,” she answers. “Look lady,” he says. “We’re crowded in here. We don’t give no glasses of water. Either you order something or you leave.”

Well, it quickly becomes apparent that she isn’t able to buy something. So she rebuttons her coat and commences to leave. Whereupon a funny thing happens. One by one, everybody at her table gets up to leave, too. Followed by others….at other tables. Even Fred (who still hasn’t touched his soup) gets up to leave.

“All right….all right,” says the soup master. “She can stay.” And he brings her a bowl of soup. With order restored, Fred turns to his table mate and says: “Who is she? She must be somebody important.” To which the guy says: “Never saw her before in my life. But I kinda figure if she’s not welcome, ain’t nobody welcome.”

Which pretty much settled the matter, to the point where all you could hear (for the next few minutes) were soup spoons clinking against the sides of the mugs. Even Fred broke down and ate his soup. Which wasn’t half bad, really. Some might even call it tasty.

Later on, he still couldn’t shake the taste….as if he’d had it before. But what was it? He couldn’t remember. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember. Then it hit him. Strangest thing, really. That cream of mouse soup tasted, for all the world, like bread and wine. That was it….for all the world like bread and wine.

Tell me you get the point.

Contradicting the Burger King Mentality 8/12/2001

First United Methodist Church, Birmingham, Michigan

Scripture: Philippians 2:1-8

Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce,

Special orders don’t upset us.

All we ask is that you let us

Serve it your way.

Funny that I can still sing it, given that I never eat it. I am talking Burger King here, where the song goes down easier than the food….at least for me. But, then, I am a slow food kind of guy. If I want a really great burger, I’ll twiddle my thumbs at the Red Coat, giving Mark Brown all the time in the world to prepare it.

Mark will let me have it my way, even though he lacks a song that tells me so. Burger King does….have a song, I mean. Which was a master stroke of advertising when it first hit the radio. For it told me that I, the customer, was king. It told me that my wants were their marching orders. And it told me that everything they cooked could be customized….leading the competition to claim that not only could it be customized, but super-sized. Whatever will the fast food people do for me next?

I am not belittling any of this. Customers are important and businesses ought to make us feel that way. Every one of us can name eight or ten places where they make us feel like they are doing us a favor by taking our money. Such places are uncompromising and uncomfortable. Which is why we don’t like them and try to steer clear of them. For we are spoiled. We have come to expect it “our way.” If you don’t believe that, think of how you felt the last time you looked at a menu and saw the phrase “no substitutions allowed.”

I have discovered, however, that where food selection is concerned, my way is not always a good way. Some years ago, I told you of my general disdain for salad bars. Why? Because I make a lousy salad, that’s why. I see a table filled with things I like, and I want to throw them all on my plate. If there are 23 kinds of lettuce, why not a few leaves of each? If I can’t decide between oil and vinegar and creamy garlic, why not a dollop of both? Crumbled eggs, grated cheese, fako baco, croutons, peanuts, pine nuts, wheat germ and garbanzo beans….sure. And the result is never very good. Better that somebody with talent should make my salad.

In case you are wondering, I am not much better at buffets. As is the case in other areas of my life, buffet tables offer too many choices. All of them are tempting. But when piled high on a plate (that, in my hand, always turns out to be too small), they are not all that satisfying. Buffet lines exist to please the glutton in me, never the gourmet in me. My way is seldom the stellar way. Which is why I love those all-too-rare occasions when I am taken in hand by a really good waiter in a really good restaurant….a waiter who leads me through the menu, and guides (not forces, but guides) me down a path that will both stretch and satisfy me. If you have never had that kind of waiter, or enjoyed that kind of experience, I can only urge you to seek it….and, upon finding it, be open to it.

This being a car town, we are all talking about General Motors’ recent announcement that Bob Lutz is coming aboard (at age 69) to put his distinctive touch on GM’s automotive styling. Everybody is talking about Lutz, to the degree that if printer’s ink translates into dollars (and I think it does), then the entire three years of Bob’s salary have already been underwritten. I mean, I read all those stories (word for word) and I am far from what you would call a “car guy.”

But it was in reading the stories that I learned that Bob Lutz once wrote a book detailing his seven principles of corporate leadership….one of which (get this) is that “the customer is not always right.” Which sounds like heresy, given the incredible amount of money most companies spend trying to figure out what the customer wants….and how that differs today from what the customer wanted yesterday, or thinks he or she might conceivably want tomorrow.

So I sought one of Bob’s colleagues and said: “Explain this ‘customer is not always right’ thing.” Which was how I learned about focus groups and the roles they play in automotive styling. A focus group is a randomly-selected collection of people who are shown….and then asked to react to….potential styling changes. It’s not that Bob Lutz is against focus groups. He knows you need them. And he knows you ought to listen to them. But it is Bob’s belief that while focus groups should inform styling, they should never dictate styling. Why? Because most people….in most such situations….respond favorably to what strikes them as familiar, while responding critically to what strikes them as strange. In other words, when the pressure is on, people lean toward what they know and return to where they’ve been.

So, in life (as well as the auto industry), who moves people along? Interesting question! A trusted advisor….perhaps. Someone who wears well, but is not afraid to push the envelope…. perhaps. Someone who listens carefully, but leads confidently….perhaps. Someone who meets you where you are, accepts you as you are, but is not afraid to point out that where you are is a far cry from where you could yet go….perhaps. And if any of that tips off the conclusion of this sermon….well, so be it.

But let me build to that point slowly. Let’s start with weddings. “It’s my day and I can have whatever I want,” said a recent bride to me. Not that I was about to fight her. Nobody wins that fight. Life is too short for that fight. So I seldom wage it. Did once. Don’t anymore. I suppose I could challenge her on the question of whose wedding it is. I mean, it’s his too, isn’t it? It’s been fascinating to see how many grooms really do “give a rip” and get into it….the planning, I mean. And there are other people whose day it is, as well. To say that those people don’t have feelings is insensitive. And to say that those feelings are irrelevant is stupid….not to mention, immature.

But I never say so in so many words. I say so gently. Like I said, I’m not there to fight people. I’m there to help people. Which is true of Doris, the other ministers on the staff, our wonderful cadre of wedding coordinators, and my secretary (Janet Smylie) through whom every bride and groom must pass before reaching a preacher. We’re good. Everybody says we’re good. And we’re also caring. People say that, too.

But we will try to steer you (to the degree that you let us). We will try to steer you around things that won’t work, toward things that will work. We will also try to steer you between things that might work independent of each other, but won’t work together. And if you go to the mat with us, we’ll probably concede. Who knows, you may be right. But you may also be sorry.

The same thing is true in designing worship. Testing the house is in. Market surveys are in. What do you want to sing? How do you want to sing it? What do you want to hear? How often do you want to hear it? How long do you want the preacher to speak? Where do you want the preacher to stand? What do you want the preacher to wear? Tell us what you think. Tell us what smoothes you and what ruffles you. We’d be fools not to ask. And we’d be greater fools not to listen. But if that’s all we do, you’ll be sorry. Because we do know a smidgen more than you do.

The year was 1970. It was my second year in a church on my own. I’d begun well. But I was still feeling my way….wanting to please, if you will. I was meeting with the Pastor Parish Relations Committee. Those are my bosses. They asked what new wrinkles I was planning for the coming year. I told them that one thing I planned to do was survey the congregation, the better to find out what kinds of sermons they wanted to hear. Oh, they thought that was wonderful. It showed open-mindedness, pastoral awareness, sensitivity to the market. At least that’s what they said. Except for Don Lobb. Don sat there frowning. Leading me to say: “What’s wrong, Don? You look like something is bothering you.” Which was when he said to me: “Bill, you are my pastor. I count on you to tell me what you think I need to hear.” Which I’ve never forgotten. And which is why, lo these many years later, I have yet to take my first survey (even though I have honored numerous requests).

Which brings me to Stanley Hauerwas. Stan is (recognizably) the most respected teacher of theology and ethics in the land. Notre Dame had him. Now Duke’s got him. Riding out of Texas, Stan was something of a rebellious Methodist. I have known Stan since we were green-as-grass divinity students at Yale. Stan knew he was good, then. And he knows he is good now. What’s more, he is anything but bashful about letting you know it.

His opening lecture in whatever divinity school class he happens to be teaching (especially if it is a first year class), always involves some form of the claim: “I don’t want you to think for yourselves. I want you to think like me.” Which he says mostly for shock value. For down the road, Stan has no interest in creating clones of himself. Perfect imitation will not flatter him. But he understands that, at the outset, he knows a lot more than his students know. And he believes that theology is a craft best learned by putting oneself under the authority of a master of the tradition. Which means that, in the short run, Stan has to separate his students from the notion that anybody’s ideas are as good as anybody else’s….and that their ideas (at this early stage of development) are as good as his. For they aren’t. Not that they won’t be some day. But they aren’t now. Which may sound arrogant. But when students get to know him, they find that underneath the arrogance is a rather humble fellow. Says Stan: “The first task of teaching is to attack the student’s illusion of individual sovereignty.” Translated, that means that the first task of teaching is to attack the illusion that the student (as customer) is always right.

So where is the humility in that? Well, there is something else Stan knows that tempers even his supreme self-confidence. Stan knows that, as a Christian, what is on your mind is always subservient to who is in your mind. Paul wrote to the Philippians: “Let this same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus.”

And what kind of “mind” was that, Paul? Well, says Paul, I am talking about the mind of a man who, “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself….taking the form of a servant….and humbled himself….becoming obedient to the point of death….even death upon a cross.”

The ironic thing is that Paul probably didn’t write those words, but (rather) quoted them. Those words most likely came from an early congregational hymn or credal statement (already in existence), making those words one of the earliest forms of Christian teaching that we know. Which is why we ought to pay close attention to the verbs….verbs like “emptied,” “humbled,” “becoming obedient.” Those are not easy verbs to swallow. Or to showcase.

There is a tension that runs right up the gut of Christianity….a tension not easily resolved. On the one hand, Christianity values the individual….exalts the individual….almost pedestals the individual. Matt Hook is fond of saying: “God loves you as if there were no other. God’s love for you is so great that it feels as if you are the beneficiary of all of it….as if there were no one else in the world for God to love, and you are getting it all.”

But, on the other hand, Christianity says that there are lots of other people in the world and that God loves them every bit as much as he loves you. And while, in his love, God singles you out….he singles you out for service, subservience, and perhaps even for suffering. Do you feel that tension? You’d better. Because if you don’t, you don’t understand the faith.

When I was a kid, I went to camp every summer. More to the point, I went to church camp every summer. And every summer there was a craft shop, where it seemed as if I was continuously being encouraged to make something….ranging from leather bookmarks to plywood Bible stands….into which I would carve or burn the words: “God first. Others second. Self third.” I’ve probably still got camp crafts with such sentiments displayed.

Which does not mean I am without needs. Nor does it mean that my needs are not important. But to the degree that I have also wood-burned those words into my soul, I know that my needs are neither primary nor secondary, but tertiary (God first. Others second. Self third.). Not that my life always reflects that sequence. But I believe it. I really do.

I talked about weddings earlier. I love most of them. Really, I do. Most Saturdays, people rise to the occasion. They show up. They shape up. They shine up. But there is the occasional wedding where someone is about to go into a snit, raise a ruckus, or make a scene. Some eight-year-old kid doesn’t like the suit. Some photographer doesn’t like the rules. Some mother doesn’t like her ex-husband’s new honey seated behind her. Some bridesmaid doesn’t like the shoes. Or some groomsman doesn’t like the fact that we won’t let him drink beer in the bathroom before the festivities. Which is when the emergent “grumpy old man” in me takes over. I want to shake them by the throat and say: “Look, get with the program. This isn’t about you.”

Truth be told, I think that about some of you, sometimes.

Still, more truth be told, I figure that God….and, occasionally, some of you….think that about me.

Lord have mercy.